this is a proof of concept for my upcoming light novel: Make You Feel, Volume One. included is a low-resolution version of an illustration intended for the book. it is very likely, however, due to financial circumstances that the initial publication of the book will not include any of the planned illustrations. i apologize in advance.

i hope you enjoy this excerpt. keep in mind, it is subject to change in the final published version of the book.

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Make You Feel

Chapter Two: The Pull

by a.f. swanson

—an excerpt—

***

On any other day, Ayane would be disturbed by a change to her routine. Certain patterns were absolute, providing a level comfort she rarely found elsewhere—but today was different. Today, she sat in her usual spot on the cobblestone pathway between the inner and outer gates of Saeki Academy’s campus without expectation of the green-shaped interruption she called her best friend. As anticipated, Miwa was currently on lockdown for the rest of the week, her mother’s doctorate in medicine being put to work on the domestic front.

Tapping her heels against the ground, she flipped to a new page in her book as activity sprouted along the pathway up to the school. By this time, Miwa would’ve already arrived, their usual banter carrying them through the day which always robbed Ayane of the one thing she truly wanted. Is Yokogawa-senpai usually the last to arrive? Her gaze drifted from the book in her hands to the group of boys that had begun to congregate near the inner gate.

Well, perhaps it would be more accurate to say that they were congregating around a particular person as, at the center of the group, stood a familiar face. Smiling and with boisterous laughter, Matsuda entertained the boys with what could only be assumed was a tale of epic proportion based on their reactions. It can’t be that funny. They really were so easily amused, weren’t they?

Ayane’s blood ran cold as Matsuda’s eyes locked with hers for the briefest of moments, and immediately, she tore her gaze away. Stupid, stupid girl! She wanted to scream. Maybe I should leave now while I still have the chance. How did he manage to catch her in the exact moment she’d decided to briefly—so briefly—glance in their direction?

Digging her nails into the soft cover of the book in her lap, Ayane willed her eyes to narrow in on the novel. If she got up and walked away now, it would just come across as if she’d done something wrong. Anxiety dampened the back of her neck as she swallowed down her embarrassment, forcing herself to blink as her mortified eyes felt uncomfortably dry. Logically, she knew her reaction was unreasonable but she simply couldn’t stop herself from feeling so…panicked.

I did nothing wrong, Ayane reminded herself. I just happened to have glanced up from my book at the exact moment he was glancing over in my direction. There’s no way he could know that I’m waiting for Yokogawa-senpai to arrive too, right? I’m not suspicious in the slightest! I’m reading a book on a bench before school as usual. It isn’t like he’ll—!

“Good morning, Aikō-san.” The sudden greeting startled Ayane, pulling her focus from the book in her lap and up to the last person on earth she felt like talking to at the moment. “Gōhara-san’s not here yet?” Matsuda had his hands in his pockets, backpack hanging off of his right shoulder as he peered down at her with a curious expression.

Ayane scowled, hoping her displeasure with his presence was obvious enough to discourage him. “She’s out sick,” she stated. “Will likely be out for a few days, if not the whole week.” She flipped to the next page in her book despite not comprehending a single thing she’d read on the last set of pages. I’ll come back to it later.

There was a pause long enough to convince Ayane that the boy would be taking the hint this time around, but apparently, he loved to disappoint her. “You finished The Death of the Heart already?”

“Uh, yeah?” She flashed the cover of her novel at him, irritated.

Matsuda narrowed his eyes at the cover before his brows flashed with recognition. “Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, huh?” Ayane didn’t respond, Matsuda taking it upon himself to slip his backpack off his shoulder and have a seat beside her on the bench. “If I see but one smile on your lips when we meet, occasioned by this or any other exertion of mine, I shall need no other happiness.” The quote flowed past his amused lips effortlessly as he plopped his backpack on the ground.

“Spoilers.” Another page flipped.

Matsuda chuckled. “It’s a good book.” He leaned forward, legs spread open as he rested his elbows on his thighs and rubbed his hands together. She expected him to carry on conversation, but much to her surprise, he simply sat there quietly. The inquisitive twinkle in his eye gave away his intense desire to interact with her further, but it seemed as though he was practicing restraint—respect for her boundaries, perhaps?

She wasn’t too sure.

Ayane did her best to ignore him but found that the longer she was in his presence, the quicker her pulse became. “Can’t you sit somewhere else?”

“It’s a public bench, Aikō-san,” he countered. “I can sit here if I want to.”

“Well, actually, it’s not a public bench,” she corrected, “it’s a bench on private property so…”

Matsuda waved her off. “Yeah, okay, smartass,” he said, rolling his eyes, “doesn’t change the fact I can sit here if I damn well please.”

Unfortunately, Ayane couldn’t argue with that. Why does it have to be here though?

“You looked lonely,” Matsuda said suddenly as if to answer her question, “and nobody likes being lonely.” When that stormy gaze of his fell upon her, Ayane’s heart trembled in a way that made her desperate to dissipate the rush of warmth pumping through her recalcitrant veins—even if she enjoyed it just a little bit.

As always, softness must be met with cold pragmatism.

“Well, I like being alone.” Ayane glued her eyes to the book, willing the heat in her cheeks away.

“Never said you didn’t.”

Ayane cocked a single brow. “You said nobody likes being lonely.”

“Being lonely and being alone are not the same thing,” he explained.

Her curiosity was piqued, mouth opening to inquire further. However, before she could proceed, Ayane was distracted by a familiar face appearing above the curve of the cobblestone pathway. He’s finally here! Excitement flooded her limbs, making it harder to control her breathing. She tried to center herself but—Wait, what?

Takashi turned to look beside him, a small smile playing across his glistening lips. He wasn’t close enough for her to hear what was being said but his mouth was certainly moving, indiscernible words directed at a figure walking alongside him. Orange curls fell to her perfect waist, framing a porcelain face with warm brown eyes and bright teeth. She always walked around like that—as if the sun were following her.

It was sickening. Narumi-san?

Ayane’s stomach churned with every peak of Otome Narumi’s laughter and the inside of her cheek smarted, iron dancing along her stiff tongue. Confusion wracked her trembling form. The edges of her vision darkened with red hues, gaze fixed on the pair. What the hell was going on here? Why was her classmate walking with her beloved in this manner? Were they friends—or close somehow?

Close…? They were too close. She had to do something about it.

“Aikō-san?” A warm hand wrapped itself around her wrist, grounding her for a moment. “You’re bleeding.”

Something slid down the corner of her mouth, drawing the back of her hand to it. When she wiped and looked down, sure enough, there was a smear of blood contrasting the paleness of her skin. I bit myself. Her tongue moved to prod at the potential injury, a sharp pain following. “I guess I am.”

Suddenly, Ayane was being tugged along by her wrist, her book nearly falling out of her lap with the motion. “Let’s go,” Matsuda ordered.

“Where are we going?” Ayane scrambled to handle her belongings as he dragged her with him.

“The infirmary.”

From his tone, it was clear to Ayane that he wouldn’t take no for an answer. She didn’t want to leave before she found an answer to the riddle that was Takashi and Narumi walking to school together, but her autonomy had been abandoned to his mercy—effective immediately. Shit.